today the complaining started at 9:15 and didn't end until after church. i guess that was what put me in a bad mood. every word was a reason, every breath saying that we are better. that's what it felt like, at least. this world isn't as beautiful through the eyes of a pessimist, or at least the words of one.
i think a lot of this life is about choices. you can choose to hold you tongue or you can choose to speak your mind; you can choose to grow up, or you can choose to stay young; you can choose to be in a good mood, or you can choose to feel awful. people always complain that they can't help it, but i think that we all can. sometimes it's not easy, sometimes it's the hardest thing we can do. being happy is the hardest thing to do at times. but, you know what? it's fulfilling. tonight at life groups i was struck hard by the beauty of community. there is nothing more exciting than being in a room with people that are as eager as you are. i get more and more thirsty as the night goes on. God created us to be in league with people, to laugh and cry and share our lives with them. I think that it is absolutely beautiful. we were talking tonight about each individual passion and talent we have. if all of us were to use that talent on a daily basis for God, think of how different this world would be. i want to be that person. i want our church to be a body. i am so tired of being lukewarm. i want to the rock to be a huge, all consuming fire. the people around us want it, they need it. i have friends that are so broken, and all they need is purpose. they need healthy relationships, with Jesus first and then others that can help them. i don't want to let them down, i don't want to let my God down. sometimes it makes me SICK how selfish i am. i invest my time in the stupidest things. i want the crown that will last. Like Ramses was saying tonight, it's like a candle. I want to be burnt down to the very end by the end of my life, because none of the wax is coming with me. i want to be used as much as possible. sometimes i hate to say that because i know God will actually do it. if i ask him to change my life, he will do it. i want to trust that he can change a wretch like me. i do trust it. so here it is, being bold, being passionate and not apathetic, being different than the rest. here is prayer, and desperation, and grace in every extent of the word. here is life to the full. let's take it to the world, guys.

i love you all.