My heart feels full of a thousand different aches and worries today, ones that I don't feel like speaking of right now, but all I can do is take hope in this:

Cast your burden on The Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
-Psalm 55:22

God is willing to bear this load for me, and that gives hope to my tired soul. Small group last night brought me to tears and was such a blessing. Utah is alright, and while I wanted to drop it all and end up in Michigan today, it is good to be here. God is allowing trials in my life for a reason and I am happy to lean on Him ever the more.

A small part of today that I want to bottle up and keep for laughter's sake:

The neighbor behind us just spent the last five minutes trying to call in his dog from the backyard.  The dog is a boxer, which, if you know me, is my favorite dog.  They are so goofy and sweet, and mostly they act like three year olds all the time.  I have been in this neighbor's place so many times, and I know how frustrating it is, but he was just so passive aggressive about it.  Not too loud, not angry at all.  He called the dog, waited a bit, called the dog again, and told it he needed to go somewhere so it should come in.  Wait.  Call.  Wait.  Call.


But my favorite part, besides the boxer/little kid thing?

Its name was Jedi.

"Jedi, come.  "Jedi, come inside!"  "Jedi, c'mon, I need to go somewhere!"  "C'mere Jedi!"

I will miss living in a rich neighborhood for these reasons.  And for

--The couple that walks their dog at midnight all the time
--The man that covers his entire front yard with blow-up figures for Christmas and any other holiday he can find them for
--Neighbors with peach trees to make crumbles from
--Nighttime adventures with Steph
--Being so close to the freeway
--The neighbors next door with the same old BMW in three colors
--Teenage boys playing basketball outside my window all hours of the night

Well, maybe that last one was a lie.  But I have been incredibly blessed being here for the past two and a half years.  So excited to see where the next few take me.  I just hope they involve moments like this.

Today in crossfit GS's phone got ran over by a golf cart, right in the middle of us learning box jumps. I thought I'd see a scary fight but he stayed cool. Needless to say, that was the most interesting part of today. Today was burpees & box jumps, followed by some runs. So like, 10 burpees/box jumps, run, come back and do 9 burpees/jumps, then run, all the way down to one. I got to my 7th set before time ran out and had started my 8th out of 10! The body does such neat stuff! I am constantly shocked at what it can withstand.

I enjoyed my love, the mountains, yesterday. They are a form of healing to a very tired heart. I guess that seems ironic, but it is true. Whenever I see the sign that says "You are now entering Wilderness", like it is one specific place (like Salt Lake, or Boise), I always get so happy. God is wonderful to put me where he did, even though it took years to realize it!

Two posts in one day and I feel like I am back in high school.

I am having a great relationship with Crossfit.  Like, it is making me weak in the knees.  Literally, actually.  Mostly this is because I am so shocked I can do strong people stuff, but the incredibly handsome GS helps too by always giving me high fives and saying how I am awesome.  Blush.  I always go to my next class sweaty and disgusting and full of protein, but I don't really care because I am so happy.  We are supposed to try paleo for the next nine weeks, but paleo and I didn't do as well together last time.  I am too hungry to plan out my meals well enough.  Today we did a 400 M overhead lunge and as everyone else was so grumpy and pukey I kept thinking, "alright, this is a challenge".  I am thriving in this environment, and now all of my english classes seem so stuffy, except, ironically, the one where we mostly watch film clips.

I accidentally lost a whole entire paper to a Mac. This might be turning into a love/hate relationship instead of a love/love one.  I somehow have to come up with four pages that are almost exactly the same, but the thing about English papers is that I just B.S everything, and the B.S. drive that exists in my body (yup, I've been watching bladerunner) is dead.  Good thing for an extension. 

My body is now used to waking up at 4, 5 AM, but not at going to bed so early.  These are long weeks ahead.  I am glad I can find rest in the Lord, because I am feeling a little weary. 

bakery musings

I forget that I am wearing normal glass and not sunglasses a lot, which means people actually know I am staring at them while I am waiting for Trax.  Sorry parked car people.

because

So starting a new job is interesting.  I have woken up at 4 AM for the past four days straight.  I don't really mind it because I have to be up at 5 for school anyways, but it is weird to get used to.  Anyways, besides the sleep thing, I have been super stressed for the past few days.  I absolutely love my job and love baking, but, to be honest,  I am way under qualified for the job I am doing.  This has meant a lot of worrying, because that is my nature.  I have a problem with being anxious when in reality I should not be anxious in anything with my God.  Yesterday I felt really discouraged everyone else was doing better than me.  The worry got in my head and told me that I wasn't good enough and I shouldn't be doing the job I am in and that my boss might want to let me go.  I went home more than a little anxious about work.  I mean, I've never started a job and not been able to pick it up fast. I decided the worrying wouldn't help me at all so I gave it up to God and planned to keep on working hard.   

So that brings me to today.  Everything went perfect.  Like literally, I can't envision a better day.  God is so good and so faithful to my foolish, untrusting heart.  The first thing I do when I get to work every day is make cinnamon rolls.  Cinnamon rolls, even with plenty of baking experience, are a pretty complex recipe, and working with gluten free floor is that much more difficult.  Yesterday mine all looked like giant blobs with maybe some hint of a swirl.  Today everything rolled out perfect and they looked like an advertisement! I was able to get far more done today, and at a much faster pace.  I left work feeling so much more confident and excited about baking and about God's incredible goodness.

And then He just kept on going.  My boss texted me a couple hours after my shift and told me how amazing my work was today.  She even asked me to write down what I did so we could let my other coworkers know!  The point of all this is not that I am so amazing, or even that I know what I am doing, but that I have such a faithful God.  He loves to bless me more than I even deserve.  I am so in awe of Him and the work he is doing in my life.  So many encouraging things are going on in my life and I can point them all back to God! This is the best life.  

Taste the happy, Michael.  

"Now Tom, he had the worst teeth I'd ever seen. Really, they were terrible. It was pathetic."-Harry, on his own son

"And he is friends with all the Tongans..."
"Tongan, what is that? I have never heard of that in my life."
-Dixie

"I tried to teach him to talk, but he wouldn't so I just named him Dummy."
-Dixie, on her new pet bird

I just found these gems somewhere.  I miss my California family.  Maybe it is time to go to Huntington again in the near future.

Milestone: I went to bed at 8 PM last night and it felt so wonderful. Except for what my body did is woke me up at 2 AM with horrible dreams. So there's that. I left my house at 4:30 this morning, which meant that I had the roads to myself. Everything is prettier when there aren't people all over the place.

Today is just one of many oddly long days. I am almost. done. with. college. Is this real life?

George: "What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."
Mary: " I'll take it. Then what? "
George: " Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much? "

-It's a Wonderful Life

My little organized heart is getting rearranged and it is a little scary for me.  I am used to order and 9 to 5 and the same friends wanting to hang out with me.  All of these were tossed aside in the month that i disappeared to the Midwest. I am still sad sometimes, but mainly I cannot wait to see what God is doing in my nearimmediateandfaroff future.

I got my dream job, two weeks to the day after I got back to Salt Lake.  I am going to be baking at a cute little bakery downtown.  I applied, thinking it was a waste of time.  All of my baking experience is either at home or with my grandma.  So, when she called me last week I truthfully couldn't even remember that I applied, but by that afternoon I had a job.  By the grace of God I am there along with people that have gone to culinary school or worked at bakeries.  It has been a test on my heart because everything is still totally out of control, due to trying to open a brand new shop.  Basically what that means is that I am never quite sure when I am supposed to work.  It will be sorted out in the next week, though.  I am so happy to have a sweet boss and a fun job! This is going to be an adventure.  I am excited to learn so many things in the kitchen...hopefully they will translate into real life (unless I am a zombie from waking up so early)! Hah.

I am still feeling sick, like, every day.  I keep trying to cut out certain foods, or pay attention to what causes it, but it seems to be pretty random.  I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month to hopefully get some answers. I am getting pretty tired of not being able to eat anything without feeling horrible, so needless to say, these have been a few pretty stressful months.  I am hoping it is just some sort of food allergy. 

School.  Crossfit is my favorite class.  I love having sore muscles and downing protein shakes in other classes.  But really, I'm not being sarcastic.  My body is slowly getting stronger and it feels so wonderful.  My other classes are alright, I suppose.  Lots of film this semester, and a whole class on Utopian novels.  It's a sleepy semester for sure.

Sound, football, birthdays, early mornings coffee, Fall. These things don't need paragraphs.  This is my favorite time of the year.  

My hair smells so good I literally can't believe that smell is coming from me. I might have to indulge in expensive shampoo more often.