it all seemed so well-timed

CONFESSION:
i have never been in love. yes, it is a shock. i've had my heart speed up around certain people, and i've stayed awake all night having conversations. but for some reason i don't consider that love like teenage america does. love is so much more, because love is a verb. love is death, in a sense. true love involves dying to yourself every single day. in a true love relationship, the other persons emotional needs are ALWAYS above yours. i think that is so beautiful, and that i am so willing to wait for that. there are so many misconceptions about love. i am finally starting to have my own opinions. i don't believe in the perfect person, because i don't believe in A perfect person. anyone i meet is going to be broken and selfish like i am. that is a fact of life. i don't believe that love will complete me, because it won't. the only time i am complete is in my God, and that is a beautiful thing. until i feel complete in him, a relationship with anyone else will be a disaster. it's a crazy concept, but i believe it, against my better (or worst) judgement even. right now i don't need love because right now i can't give the love i should. maybe one day i will grow up and it will creep up on me. until then, goodbye fake loves. i don't need you, and you definitely don't need me.


in other words (this is how i described it to a friend doubting the very existence of love):

i believe in love because i believe in God. i don't believe that you will always be happy though..because we live in a broken, dying world that longs for something more. i believe that love is a lot harder than just hearts and kisses..i believe it is a continual battle to die to yourself and put other people first. i struggle so much with questioning it too, sometimes, because people are habitually liars and hard to trust. but i believe, and put my faith in the fact that God will work it out in some crazy way...even if it's not the 'perfect' person people promise us..cause they sure do, but no perfect person exists.