i am alive, quite fully this morning.
there is a boxer puppy laying on my foot, and i am wearing two pairs of socks.

sometimes i don't understand the way that God works. was i ever supposed to, though? for "His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts higher than my thoughts". i've seen so many people broken lately. the man that is the absolute EPITOME of joy has a bad seizure. the little girl that follows me around falls off her bunkbed and develops a brain bleed. it scares me sometimes, just as bad as it hurts. my example of joy, love, and peace, the world needs that man. they need the whole man, his speech, his clear thoughts, his ability to function. i need that little girl, to make me smile and laugh and see love. her mom needs her, and the six others, to bring joy in the hardest times. life is such a crazy thing. one minute someone is okay, the next you have that sick feeling in your stomach. sometimes i feel selfish because i need these people. i need them so bad. who am i to question God's will, though? and when they get better, i know that He just wants me to trust him in ALL circumstances. and that is a scary, world-changing concept.

like i was reading today: LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.
that is life, right there.
All of my heart: all of my affection, my joy, solely for Him. all of my love towards other people. committed, unselfish LOVE.
All of my soul: eternally. all of the depth of my being that i don't even understand, usually.
All of my mind: all of my thoughts about him and his glory. all of my thoughts towards others. all of my thoughts when i am just by myself.
All of my strength: what i do for him. my service, watching kids or playing guitar onstage. all of my time, as i lay down exhausted at night.