"I make the two and a half hour drive out here to see the lights every year. I wouldn't ever miss it, unless I am pregnant, or sick."
-a TLC show, about Christmas. Glad to know people have good priorities.

Lately I have been spending time in high heels and business slacks. Going to the third floor on an elevator with padded walls, an elevator that tells me with a voice that is supposed to be sexy but is really just strange that I am going up. Yesterday my trainer told me that I was now the face of a $5 billion dollar company, and to make sure I always thought about how I was preparing to enter the workplace, like if my hair looks funny or not. Everything is so serious now. I feel like I have aged ten years and am living a freaky life based on a career path I never chose to take. But after this week I won't be working in such a big, fancy building, so maybe this dream life will go away.

....And I also realized why the life of a corporate high-up seems so alluring sometimes: because they feel like what they are doing is so important and innovative and etc. And it's been fun for a few days. I love to dress up but I want to have a level head and realize work is work. it's easy to see how people get sucked into that world--always promising things it can only give temporarily. It all looks so exciting and fun but in reality they're all still a bunch of broken people that need Jesus just as much as I do at the end of their days. It may be power and status and bonuses, but those things are achieved during 60 hour work weeks and missing your child grow up. Plus, they do get tired too, and have to grocery shop and do normal-people things. So my dream of being Veronica Palmer (which I had for like, 3 hours yesterday) from Better Off Ted is on a permanent hold, but I still do feel pretty happy about my new job. Probably what helps that is the breakfast they give me every morning, because they know I don't have time to get ready. That and the trainer whose voice I have a huge crush on, if a crush is even what you would call it. It's more like an appreciation--he doesn't whisper-talk like Alec Baldwin but has an honest, generic American voice that I really would just love to hear tell me nice things all of the time. And maybe that is completely weird.


This is a finals week of two finals, but mostly beginnings of things. Plus tonight what happened was that I fell in love with Hobby Lobby, and also watched Phil Hahn try to snap his fingers really hard which made us all laugh so much.

What happened last night was this:

I rushed from school to work to get there by five, then got off at 11. I drove home with beads of rain on my rear window, which was really cool because the greens and yellows shone through them in a beautiful way. But anyways, when I got home was the fun part, because there was NO doorknob on the front door. Like, someone had just forgot to put one there. So I had to attempt to get through the back gate, which has been broken since forever. The cold had done something weird to the latch, so it took ten minutes of wrestling with it, but I was finally able to get into the backyard and go through the back door. I am feeling more like a spy today.

I only ever eat Mexican food anymore. And I love it.

I wore too many layers of long-sleeves today. I didn't know that was possible, but apparently it is, and so I am waiting for class to be over so I can go change already. The sun outside is always tricking me that it is so warm out, like it is August and the semester is starting all over again. I sometimes would like to do this semester over, and maybe still be taking Metcalf's teaching class. Oh well. I'm an English major now, for real. And also a business minor. And also a teller. And also busy. Bring it, Spring. I'm ready. I'm encouraged right now.

I rode Trax up to school today, with Philip, and Paul Jackson (unexpectedly), which was pretty neat, because Trax is a bummer. Here's to one month and possibly forever of a break from it. I will miss the low gas mileage on my car.

"Well, if you could answer that, that would be great."
--Spencer Scribner, yelling at us all from the bathroom (where he spends a lot of time, yelling out his needs)

"You need to come up and see my Tron collection, Matt!"
"I bought you all of the Tron stuff you have."
"Yeah! You need to come see it!"
-Spen, again, and Matt

It doesn't look like Christmas time around here, it looks like L.A. This is real gross of you, Utah. I would love to write a complaint letter, and maybe get a free hat out of it, except that there is really no way for me to do that. So for now I will just try to spend more of my time indoors.

I had to watch Pulp Fiction for my theory class last night. I am sort of disappointed, because I thought maybe if it was so controversial it would at least be more exciting, but it really wasn't. Maybe I just couldn't get over John Travolta's mullet. Umm, gross. All in all, it was interesting enough, though. In-class discussion will be better, and at least it is better than reading about deconstruction, because my head was going to burst because of that one.

Things are getting back to good. God is faithful.

How do you fix sweatshirt sleeves that are just barely too short? It is really starting to bug.


There is a lot on my mind today. Sometimes my flesh wins, and I lash out. Or sometimes my flesh wins and I say nothing. It's been that kind of day for me, and I spend some amounts of time wishing Jesus would come back for messy old us. It's fitting that I read Genesis 19 today, because those people were SCREWED UP. Lot did nearly everything possible wrong, and yet still God loved him. Lot spent ample amounts of time not trusting God's plan, forging his own way, and looking back at his old life. Even as he hesitated, knowing his old life was going to literally burn, God had the angel grab his hand and pull him away. What a patient, loving, merciful God. I want to be that to people, but it is so hard. People can only break your heart so many times over before you want to give up on them. I guess that's just a place I need to 'yield' each day and work on. It isn't easy--but Jesus forgave ME, and pulled me away from the sin and death clinging to my life, my soul. Daniel DeGeare did a really good job leading Communion tonight. I had a living, breathing God that came down to earth and was up against all that I'm up against. I'm sure people hurt him and ignored his advice and shut him out time and time again, but he didn't give in or even retaliate: He loved them deeply. He loved them deeply enough to die for a whole crowd of them as they mocked and spit at Him. How beautiful a love. How hard a love to show. Daily I am discouraged and frustrated. Daily I realize I suck at dying to myself.

I sold a piece of art tonight, for the first time. Which, all in all, is both scary and encouraging. Scary because I trusted that piece to someone else, for forever and ever. Encouraging because I love this life.

I just real quick have to make three notes about this semester, in line with my three profess0rs (the fourth is just a computer, so i can't study her mannerisms or funny way of speaking):

number one: B.W.
he looks like an old, jewish version of a guy tim i know, and he takes off his glasses and twirls them in his fingers. plus sometimes he just looks like he's in a lot of pain when he's speaking. i think i will miss this professor when he is out of my life. he talks like he is in the princess bride. mr. mancini type stuff.

number two: M.D.
she is a little bit scary because she is not nice. but she is short too, and italian, which she reminds us all the time. she tries to cut through the scary by telling jokes, but i don't trust them still.

number three: K.S.
by far the most interesting of all my professors. she has bleached blonde hair with a black diamond dyed into the back of her head. everything she says is related to some form of gender studies but she is a genius on it. sometimes she gets so excited that she just yells her sentences. dresses like a man, but a classy one, at least.

i will miss number three, and only partly because her office looks straight out of a national geographic. hopefully my next-semester professors will have cool offices too, because it seems like school likes to keep me involved now.