today started out with a

late
alarm
clock
and a
maddashtotrax.

yup, and that mad dash was worthless after i passed the ambulances and firetrucks and mounts of police just for a full parking lot. and that mad dash led to another mad dash that did no good, and finally to target. target led to the one place that makes me feel like a five-year old, which happens to be across from the first place i attended high school.

welp, after awhile i guess public transportation decided to be on my side, and i was able to go to class and sit next to a middle-aged man during a test. i probably did bad, so naturally i celebrated by going back to my love hate relationship with trains. but this time i had people to share it with. i had another middle aged man across from me reading a book about sexual desires. i had a man behind me with thousands of dollars of tattoos and a heart to make the girl across from him love him. at his stop i heard him tell her he had to 'get out of here before i start stalking you.". i saw two girls dressed like twilight vampires, walking through the park, and sometimes life here makes it too hard to remember i am in utah.

the end of the line, as far as we go.

this semester just seems to drag on and on. i bet it is because one of my professors is a computer. yup, she lives in there, probably, and she has a real fancy last name. it's hard to read for a class where the professor doesn't stand in front of your face for at least 50 minutes some days of the week. sometimes i even forget i am taking it at all.

i guess maybe it could be dragging on because of the face that i have two classes about weather, too. i don't even care about weather much, and i really don't care that one of my professors wears pants up to his bellybutton, or that the other one clearly can't stand her grad-student t.a. i should probably be able to predict what in the world the sky is doing by now, but instead i wake up shocked every morning that it is cold. oh, utah. oh, general education.

but it is definitely not dragging on because of oil painting class, because i only have eight more class days of that one left. my assignments are usually to get oil paint everywhere and make my room smell like a chemical mess, or something along those lines, but that one is pretty simple for me.

today i grabbed the bread from the oven, put the pot of soup down on the table, and thought

'oh crap, i am being a mom.'

some things about summer.

--learning how to use a D-60 that was all my own was pretty neat.

--i saw more money is cash than i will ever see again, unless i become a mafia boss.

--my job description had the word 'control' in it, and pest wasn't even the first word

--hmm. i figured i fell in love with the same person more than once, when, really, i did not.

-- settling down finally became a phrase that meant more than 'stop it, marley'.

--thoughts about God.

--a new future and a new house creeped up on me.

--thinking over campfires, talking about stars and listening to ramsey. easily one of the best nights of my life.

--living a couple nights at concerts with thousands of other people that just want to grind on you or your friends.

--just confessing truth to people did a number of good things for my soul.

--hot tubs feel good and calm nerves even in summer. who would've thought.


oh, and also, it's over.

what might've been lost

i am wondering right now: if we took all of the things or people i thought that i was in love with over the past few years, and bottled them up, would the feelings they gave me still be stronger than the one i get when i let too much turpenoid into my brain?

hmm.

i guess there is something i can answer though, and that is that i haven't really slept in my own bed for a long time.


other than that, life is good to me. i ride trax basically every day, and sometimes i just see the people that i will hopefully never grow up to be. my God is just getting huger in my eyes every single day. he is thundering in my life. i have been blessed by the sunset off of the back porch every night, and these unreal thunderstorms, and even hanging out with german exchange students. last night i spent a few hours learning about soundwaves in regard to physics, even. God has given me a family, a huge one, that i mourn with and party with. i cannot wait to do this for all eternity.

so, goodbye half-loves. see ya on the other side.

sometimes i think high school was such a long time ago, but then i remember that it really wasn't. i guess it's pretty funny, then, that i never actually went to a friday night football game when i was in high school. they are such a funny thing, with kids getting so into it. i didn't even care about much in high school, but now it's important to my brother. so i go, and i yell at the quarterback, and i have fun. sometimes i even forget that i am in sandy, and start wondering why everyone i know is down in provo for a silly game. oh weird.

once upon a time i had a job where i worked the early shift, and most of the days i forgot that i had even worked by the evening.


maybe that will happen again, one day.