today i stepped into the kinross airport to see my cousins off before their long day of travel, and i started to tear up because i know that i am leaving this place next week too.
it hurts my heart to think about my life not taking place in the midwest. everything here smells good and it is home, more than any other place than i can think of, even my lovely salt lake.
i don't want to leave, despite my arteries getting clogged.
despite the mosquitoes, besides wal-mart being nearly the only store in town.
never mind the siberian winter, i could make it.
this past week has been too nice for words.
salt lake feels like a burden that is hanging over my head. a deadline, maybe.
there are a lot of good things to come back to, friends to love, a church to serve, mountains to climb.
i love all of these things, and God has planted my flag in salt lake for a reason, but it is so hard to come back every year. this year i don't even have school looming over my head, so it just feels strange, to come back and continue my dead-end job. but i will keep moving. keep pursuing, and saying sad prayers, and trusting that God is using my small, day-to-day to benefit his Kingdom. and there is rest in that.
this time next week i will be sobbing silently in an airport in the middle of nowhere, but God has given me a lovely temporary home. i am so blessed by my time in my small corner of what i imagine Heaven will look like.
2 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. If my best friend didn't live in Utah, I'd already be back in Iowa.
It's a sad longing that makes my chest hurt four or five times a week.
Just keep doing the next right thing.
What this makes me think of is in the movie "Take this Waltz" which I wouldn't really recommend you to watch...this gal gets tempted to cheat on her husband and she is talking about it with her friends in the gym locker room and a group of older women overhear and one says, "new things become old." It encourages me in where I am, not just in my marriage, but when I get the case of the "wanderlusts," and what not.
Even though a new adventure or moving seems amazing, if it's not God ordained or allowed then it just isn't "it," ya know? Do you feel God calling you there? If not, just rememeber..you'd probably get way homesick for your friends and church and culture of SLC, and you'd get a dead end job there and that place, would become old to you.
The feeling of nostalgia and home you feel there would disappear quicker than you think, I think. I think the way you feel about Michigan is the way you're supposed to feel about it. Magic. The things you can't have always sort of have that sort of dream like fantastical feeling. Different when you obtain it. Maybe?
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