"there's a love that doesn't fail, no matter what you've done."

my car is scratched up and down. i'm tired, and sore, and working so many six day weeks.

but in the midst of this I AM SO BLESSED. i am so incredibly and beautifully blessed. it is more than i can fathom. God is amazing to a sinning complainer like me. 

I love my small group.
I love serving my church and my friends.
I love spending time with various Godly women.

My life is changing and my heart is getting ready for spring.
Sometimes, for reasons unknown, i suffer from social anxiety. i love people but the thought of interacting with them stresses me out. maybe it's because of past hurts, but God is totally doing a new work on my heart. i've been trying (read: forcing myself) to try and spend more time with the lovely people God is placing in my life. also, one of my coworkers is moving to SLC this weekend. whole new mission field.

God, shine through me in so many more ways than i ever thought possible. You are worth it, you are worth so much more than the small things i try to offer (which you have you given to me anyways). i want more from life than going to work and making a comfortable life for myself. I want YOU, with all the joys, the aches, the exhaustion, the reward, the tears, and the beauty that that brings. Fill me up and pour me out in service to You and others. all that i have is Yours. remind me of that. You are good and have good for me---how often i forget. this world has nothing except dust and false promises. all of the good, the beauty, the mountains and the valleys, fellowship, love, creativity, trees and sunshine and outside--that is all you. inspire my heart and stretch my faith. I love you. Soli Deo Gloria. 

"And the night was cool and clear as glass with the sneaking snake in the garden grass, as Deep cried out to Deep, the Disciples fast asleep. And the snake perked up when he heard You ask: if You're willing that this cup might pass we could find our way back home, maybe start a family all our own...but does not the Father guide the Son? Not my will but Yours be done! What else here to do? What else me but You???

And the snake who'd held the world, a stick, a carrot and a string, was crushed beneath the foot of Your not wanting anything."

-mewithoutYou

i've gone back to my poppy, coldplay loving ways. i don't know if i am ashamed of this or not, because it just puts me in a better mood.


i am reading the confessions of saint augustine. super stoked on this one.

i keep buying unnecessary books and trinkets at thrift stores.

i am not as angry about the snow as everyone else, because utah is so pretty. plus, i live close to all the places i need to go now anyways.

weeks get to be both short and long. i am confused about time lately. in three weeks i will get a whole week off of work, to spend time with my brother. my last vacation was michigan, so this will be a joy, even if it's a vacation to provo, utah. at least the air is less inversion-y. plus, i'm sure we will end up in zion...or at least, mapleton. i miss my little bro. every time he's been in town i've been tied to school and work, so this will be the first time we actually get a decent amount of time together. maybe he'll teach me how to get buff real quick.

sorry i am so lazy about capitalization. i am probably rebelling against seo writing, since this is all i have been doing.

tomorrow is my sabbath and i am going to enjoy it to the full. God is good to give rest. i keep thinking about the fact that our bodies could have been created to function without sleep, and we could get so much more done, but that God allows for rest in our lives simply because he is good. i always wish i had more time to get things done, but i am also learning to love naps, VERY MUCH, and i think God is so kind to have designed us to be able to just take a break for six to eight hours a night.

i am seeing God's kindness in the strangest things. goats, because they really aren't useful for much, and they eat everything, but they're so cute and hilarious. crazy days at work. gift cards for sweatpants. snow. salt lake. buffalo chicken. spyro the dragon. wine. God creates to bring joy and bless our hearts. i want to create, to write, to photograph, to give back. God is the best artist, and all my attempts are feeble, but He loves them nonetheless and i am so grateful.

Some quotes I have found saved up in my phone:


"That's the cleanest your hair has ever looked!"
-Garrett Anderson, giving compliments in his typical fashion

"On my band t-shirt quilt they are the only band that has TWO T-SHIRTS."
-Provo-Ann, with incredible enthusiasm. She showed me this quilt later in the night.

I have three full days off of work. Three. This is so rare I am not sure what to do with it. There are no major holidays left until like, July, so I probably won't have it again, except for the days I take off when my brother comes home. I am so excited for a Sabbath and rest from my crazy and long days.

It sounds so cliche and dumb, but I am already wondering why college was so long ago. I graduated in December, but I can hardly remember being Buff Crossfit Girl or Writing a Paper All Night Girl. I thought I would miss it more, and I do miss a few things, but all of my friends only want to complain about how hard college is. I still don't have much free time, but I don't have as many deadlines looming over my head, which is nice.

So much going on. I want to start doing a Bible study. I want to exercise more. I want to finish decorating my house and start on some projects. I want to fight this sickness that I feel coming on.


Oh, and some more warm days would be nice as well. Bring on spring, Utah.

oh deary me, when did i get so busy?

between job one and job two (which is a lot like being in school because of so much writing) i managed to get a terrible haircut and buy a car battery.  i also ended up sleeping in a super old house in provo, so that was fun. i haven't washed my hair in six days. i don't have a key to the front door of our building anymore so i have to wait to be let in like a dog. my boss forgot about an important meeting with a potential client so i had to have it for her. we just made six brand new items in three hours.

my head is spinning all around. i need to stop and rest and enjoy the busy days.