I am still swallowing all the pills my doctor gave me.

Still, despite the fact that they are not working.  Doc says my bloodwork is perfect, but he can't explain the sickness I still feel daily.  He says my cholesterol is a negative risk factor, that I can start smoking more or less, but he says I have an unknown problem.  Is this growing up?  There is no placebo effect here. Affect?  If this is my thorn to bear though, I will be content and praise God that it is not something more horrible.

I miss Greg already.  I want to write him a letter saying how he changed my muscles and was the first person to make me actually gain weight in like, ever.  I am hoping I don't turn back into playdough soon, because I can't make myself run outdoors in the winter and am too poor for the luxury of the gym.

But besides my stomach and the whole gym issue.


I am going to look at apartments for the first time tomorrow.  I guess I am getting older because I am moving up from one bedroom in a large house to more rooms in a tiny house.  I feel too immature for this.  Like I will wake up one morning and realize I'm not twenty-one, but really just thirteen and wondering why I have my own set of pots and pans.  This is a good season for me because none of it has gone according to my plans.  God has shaken up all that I thought my life was going to be.  I will have a college degree in approximately 45 days (or whenever else they decide to mail out my diploma) and I work at a gluten-free bakery.  I don't really feel ready to leave though.  I usually get anxious if I don't have everything planned out in advance, but God's been taking the things I trust in and throwing new ones in my lap. I am fine with these years of not knowing.  They will work for good.