If I went to confession, what I would have to admit today would be this:
   That when I am going to Catholic church with my grandma, I purposely leave my nail polish chipped and ready to be picked at so that I have something to do during the service.

This isn't because I don't like church (even though sitkneelstand is a hard concept for me) but mainly because her priest is Indian and I can't understand a word he says.  Plus, everyone is like, 90, and always coughing loudly into the air. 

I think, if I was allowed to be more selfish, I would stay here forever.  There are so many things to be baked, so many forests and lakes and lighthouses to explore, so many happy Canadian accents.  There is my darling grandma, who has been reading to us from her high school diary every night.  My favorite gem from the other night's reading?
"Jim didn't call tonight.  DAMN DAMN DAMN."
This is the woman I want to grow up to be like.  The strongest, most patient, wonderful woman.  Someone who has lived on her own for the past 17 years and never complained.  She thinks of my grandpa daily but she keeps living, living living, refusing to be forever sad, and I love her all the more for it.


But my heart is starting to accept that I have to go home.  The Midwest is the most wonderful place on Earth, I truly believe it.  The air is thick and smells wonderful, everything is green and there is finally open space.  But, I have a church.  I have a select few people counting on me, and those few are enough to keep me from cutting my ties to Utah, ties I'm not sure actually exist.  And then there is school, and my fun new job.  So there are those reasons.  I may be accepting it, but my heart isn't ready to be content with it yet.  I am afraid of the same thing that always happens, which is that I end up itching to go right back.  This place feels like home to me, more than sleeping in a bed in someone else's house. 


God is good.  This is going to be a wonderful fall.  I will think of Michigan fondly every day, but there are just things I need to finish.  I must finally be growing up.