i can hear it in your voice, there's always a catch.

sometimes i drive down dark roads and try to sing songs that i don't know the words to yet. which, usually, that doesn't work very well, but maybe it is just my brain trying to tell me that julian casablancas and i go way back. like back to gross middle school hallways, where we all had braces and funny haircuts. or back to driving home late at night from any and most concerts i ever went to. so maybe the words are already in my head. or i am just dreaming.

things are going okay. i've been busy so i haven't had a lot of time to think about a lot of things (except for when i looked at my class schedule for next semester and got super nervous, oops). lost is over, which is a relief, but also so is 30 rock, until the fall, and that isn't very cool at all. oh well. i am getting very anxious to get out of utah and into the midwest for awhile. that should be relaxing, and exciting, and inspire some creativity. i also have a new habit called searching for deals on plane tickets: because i want to go everywhere, and because i work retail, so i can leave. michigan and oregon are in the runnings, i think. i never get to go visit my family, which is weird because they are graduating and aging and getting married in all different places. i miss them.

anyways. i need to eat some peanut butter and jelly, and sleep some more. no matter what, i don't feel like i sleep enough these days. it is time to start exercising and eating well, i suppose. for health.

i need a bicycle. and someone to stop me from eating fast food. and someone to make me laugh, because sometimes things still feel like a little bit of a bummer. goodnight.

one of the latest projects i have been working on. it makes my heart excited for summer and also for life as well.

this is my sundown, and that is all that i am saying about that.

well, i am living in a new house, which is a new adventure! i am trusting God will use it over the next little while. things are picking up and getting busier. on sunday i get to do engagement photos with some friends, and then in july i get to help shoot their wedding. how exciting! now that it is getting warmer i am getting even more anxious to fix my bicycle and go places. also i am anxious for vacation, except that i can't make my mind up very well about what i am doing. i just found out that we might be going to denver at the beginning of june, so that would be a fun little trip, too. summer couldn't come any sooner, i think. things are going to be different this year for sure, and i am thrilled for it. in august i will have lived back up in midvale (or sandy or salt lake or wherever i live) for a year already! time is going by so fast. i am learning to love the little moments, like the old ladies that tell me stories while i am working, or the times i am actually confident in doing sound.

the headache is coming back. time for tea and the gorgeous new national album.

"I still just don't understand how you are getting a 90% in that class."
"It's called fraternizing with the enemy, Karl."
-my brother, showing off his vocabulary, and Karl, talking about their high school english class.

I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold.

Exhaustion creeps in, and hunger, and sometimes I can't decide which is more important to give into. Sleep will probably win but for now I still have a headache. Always it is a headache. Tonight was good, but tonight was also hard and I am learning daily about what it means to follow Jesus. Sometimes it feels ugly, and looks bleak, but He always wins and I trust that.

There are hours of photo edits left for me to do. That part of photography is absolutely no fun.

a dream:

The store got a new system again. The only problem was that it was the same system the hospital had, and the customers had a hard time reaching the screen to sign for their purchases. A lady came by to pick up her groceries after I had spent like, ten minutes sorting her coupons. Before I could ask her what her form of payment was, a receipt printed that said, "Paid in Full". I asked my mother what that meant, since she worked at the hospital, but she just told me it meant I needed to burn the saddle.

After work (or possibly during; dreams are never too clear on time), I got a call from a person saved in my phone as "Fetul Evenson", which was my gross misspelling of 'Fetal'. I had never met a Fetal Evenson, but they had texted me their new number and I had saved it, because of us having the same last name. So I answered, and it was my cousin Lyndsey. I realized that she had just totally misspelled her name in the text to me, and not bothered to change it. Lyndsey announced she was thinking about going to the U of U and moving in with my parents. I was jealous of her living there but I told her to do it.

While still awkwardly on the phone, I was able to interact with a baby named Jet. We actually had a conversation as if he was two or three, and I took him outside so I could pace there (I always paced on phone calls). While outside, we found my brother and a friend of his, who announced that he too was moving into my parents house pretty soon. I told him he would have to meet my cousin when she moved out, because she was still on the phone, and he said, "Like I meet all of your friends, just saying hi and then moving on." I told him to shut-up, so he starting playing with his lighter, trying to smoke it. The baby I was holding was fascinated. He kept reaching out for the glowing flame, and the dude let him touch it. I yelled at him, "Are you CRAZY? I can see you letting Marley lick a flame, but a human baby?! Really?!" He just kind of looked at me, ashamed-like, and I looked at my phone, ready-to-hang-up like, and the baby looked at us, sad, 'dude-i'm-burned'-like. it was a bad moment.

the truth is that if i hear one more person complain about boys, guys, men, etc. i am going to throw up. and then possibly move to another state. or probably i will just yell. we will see when the time comes.

wyoming wasn't so bad today, except for the wind. i love having a cowboy family to go back to. there is something about 180 acres of land that makes me excited. it is a nice thing to have space all around you that isn't just condos or people walking their snobby dogs, or even a mcdonald's. anyways, kim got to ride a horse, and we both fell in love with my aunt's stupid, stupid goat, coco, which is how i imagine she spells it, living on all of that land. maybe i am wrong. they are such a cute little cowboy couple, and by little i usually mean like, 5'5", both of them. when i was younger i always loved my uncle's accent because he said 'warshed' instead of 'washed', which i thought was so cowboy and foreign. aus and i got to help warsh the horses once, up there on the mountain. somedays is it so foolish to want to live there? except i am still always in a hate/hate relationship with wyoming. maybe if we didn't always get stuck there coming back from colorado. or if it had an actual landscape. i mean, dirt is cool, but usually you plant stuff in it is the idea, and the wind doesn't blow it all down.

so here's to that, and one more final, and a lot of days off of work this week. maybe i'll start a project.