i guess it has been a very long time since i've written on here, because i've discovered the lost art of notebooks and pens.

so, if you could read through my notebooks and pens, it would go something like this:

5/6
"and so lately i have just been realizing some things, like that high school plans for my life are ridiculous. like that sometimes the closest people to you are the ones that give you the worse ideas. and now i don't want to be that person, and love God all the more instead. i'm doing better. i've been using new words, topics, ideas in my sentences. i've added variety, and it feels nice. on a complete side note, i saw the inspiration for a dylan-esque song today. this is how he does it. on a country road, through a canyon, was an OLD bus broken down in the middle of the highway. it was a dark brown, sad looking thing, with destination "private function". directing traffic was not the blue and red of police on the side, but a one armed old man. everyithning was in slow motion and carnival stule. i think i saw mr. jones today."

5/7
i guess i can't commit to one form of handwriting, and hopefully that doesn't effect my committment in other areas. i'm pretty sure it won't. well, i fell in love today, except it's with Pho. it made my eyes water a few times, but i love burning lips. why didn't i discover you sooner, sriracha and crushed peppers? you made my day today. maybe we can get together more often. i am remembering that i play guitar all of a sudden. it's something to love and look forward to. i am also remembering i like to play keyboard, if only to feel like david bowie. who needs to know actual chords if you can hit a synth and sound like space? yup, there's a day in the life, minues the loads of laundry and minor sunburn. i am trying to remember that my heart is 'deceitful above all things', but really i want it to be telling me the truth just this once. that would be ideal. i guess that's just part of being human. sometimes my selfishness just wants my desires before God's because i don't always know what his are. who am i, to contradict the maker of mountains, love, and victory? his plans for me are GOOD.




so that leaves today.

my house was made for teenage boys, and i am wondering now how that is even okay? today i spent four hours trying to figure out life in regards to senior pictures, and i also got myself a brand new sunburn. oh provo, i will miss you and the conversations that we have.