Spencer is singing loud songs while crying his eyes out, which I guess is his new way of showing grief. It's sort of sad because I can hear him from downstairs and he sounds so brokenhearted, but I know that all that happened was that his dog ate his new rabbit's foot from his grandpa. Like, 2 hours after he brought it home. Poor buddy, but he is at least not dying of a real life broken heart. It's so sad to hear, but at the same time strangely funny because he is just singing, singing like a drunk man. Times like these make me not want to be a parent for a little while. I don't know how I would even be able to begin to handle a situation like that.

The Bears lost today. Which, hello, they only lose when I actually watch the game. Like, I think I've watched like, 3 games, and they've only lost 5 total. What is going on with this?

So what I did because everyone was gone was start going to the gym again, and I remembered that I hadn't exercised since I was in, like, high school. So that was really, really hard. But it tied in really well to some thoughts I had during my quiet time. I've been reading in Corinthians, and at the end of chapter nine Paul shows his heart by switching to athletic metaphors.

1 Corinthians 9:25-26:
Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself be disqualified.

This has really been on my mind the remainder of the week. Lately there are have been a lot of things that are heavy on my heart that don't necessarily need to be. I wonder why it is so hard to let go, and sometimes (usually) when you read the Bible, even if you've read the verse over and over, it hits differently the tenth or hundredth time. God will always help us through difficult situations, but it takes a lot of self-control on our part. God isn't going to make us figure things out on our own but he gave us a free will: God won't make us drop something until we choose to. Sometimes that means he breaks us completely so that we are humbled and realize what we need to do. I've been convicted about amounts of wasted time and things I have been putting my hope in. And why do I keep making these choices? Lack of self-control. I love that Paul explains this in athletic terms. Athletes spend countless hours training their bodies for their individual sport. They discipline themselves to eat a certain way, even if it means giving up something they love. They push themselves to do what isn't always comfortable, like waking up early to run or biking up that extra hill for endurance.

The crazy thing about these athletes is that they do it for a simple prize. Maybe it's a trophy, or their face on a Wheaties box, but none of these things last. Even the nicest trophy can break or be stolen, and Wheaties will be eaten and then the box recycled or thrown away. Nothing they get will even matter in 100 years, but they are still totally willing to discipline themselves and live for the next meet or race. Why isn't it the same way for Christians? We have gained an imperishable prize in Christ: ETERNAL LIFE! Yet the average Christian, and myself included, shows incredible lack of self control. We don't train ourselves like we should, waking up early like the athlete, but instead to read our Bibles or spend some time in prayer before our God. He gave it all up for us and yet we still cling to things outside of Him that we think will make us happy. An athlete can do it for a fading prize but we can't do it for our Eternal, Holy, loving, perfect God who we will be with in Heaven forever? This is incredibly humbling to me.

So how I got to that from the gym. It hurt so bad to start working out. But I know that the more I do it and the better of a routine I get in, the easier and more enjoyable it will be. Exercise also clearly benefits my health. And it is the same with my God. It is sometimes so difficult to yield to Him in every area, to be honest and real, to spend time with other believers in fellowship, but the more we do it, the more we grow, and our spiritual life is forever changed. I am so convicted by these verses. Along with them:

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

The weights we hold do us no good, just as tying a ten pound brick to your leg would severely impact your ability to race. Maybe it's a sin from the past, or a relationship, or even just something we keep too close to the level of God in our minds. Regardless, weights tie us down and, even when they aren't bad, such as a commitment to work, if not handled correctly they get tangled in sin. We must constantly die to ourselves and consciously throw off those weights and sins. Even if at times we aren't even sure of what they are, there is an importance in giving all things up to God. There is nothing that will be more worth it than crossing the finish line to the "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I can't wait for that day.

So there are my thoughts for this week. This has been a crazy year of ups, downs, and everything else. Happy New Years. God bless.

tomorrow will be different, so i'll pretend i'm leaving...

Right now what I want more than a lot of other things is my eighth grade dream of seeing the Strokes play a solid rock and roll show. And it would be fun to meet Julian and tell him that his music kept me awake on too many long drives home at night, or long drives away from home during the day. Probably he wouldn't care though, since he is a rock star, with nice hair. But it's a thought.

Now that Woody doesn't have his dew claws, I think I can love cats, even though these guys could never compare to Henry or Julia. I miss my long amount of time spent in the Midwest a lot lately, and I have been cheating on the credit union and looking at cheap plane tickets to various places this summer. I know it's early in the relationship, but I am still a little sad about Faithwalkers, so there's that.

I keep dreaming about money all of the time now, which translates into nightmares because I hate money, which is ironic because of my job situation. So I am hoping these dreams will end soon. I would like to have my normal sleeping patterns back.



Anyways. Here are some quotes I have been saving up, from Spencer and from regular life:

"It hit me right between the face."
-Austin, describing the feeling of being tired, and mixing metaphors again.

"I'm not getting a kid's meal, that's CRAP!"
-Spencer Scribner

"Dad's a little cold-hearted. Don't tell him anything cute, he'll just break it down."
-Spencer, again, on Tom

"Oh, I haven't had a Christmas sock in years!"
-my Grandma excited about a stocking

about tonight.

i got off work while it was still a little bit light outside, which was a nice surprise. plus my first day had like, no problems, except for a guy that wanted me to take his swedish money and give him american money. i am in love with my job right now and i hope it stays like this for at least 3 months. the only weird thing is that i am working with only men all of a sudden. but they are all married or look like richard alpert so there are no worries there.

tonight we went out for scrib's birthday. i keep getting semi-adopted into all of these new families which is always an adventure. we ended up eating at a tepanyaki place and then going to temple square to look at the lights. it was like a rewind of my childhood, except for that i was wearing fancy boots. but it was fun.

"I would like to work with investments..."
"You'd like to work somewhere that had refreshments?"
--Zach, and then Steph. This is a family of misunderstandings.

"If I could fight a girl, I would fight a Russian."
-One of the high school boys I worked with at the grocery store.

There are no deadlines looming over my head for the first time in months. I ended up leaving all of my stresses on my professor's front porch today, which was in and of itself a journey because it is just weird to be standing on your teacher's door step. A man walking his dog just kept looking at me real skeptically like I should not be allowed in that neighborhood. And that was that. It's over, and I'm already starting to feel like not a zombie anymore.

I passed my training class at work today with 100%. It was a lot to take in, but the test was nicely underwhelming and my last day went by fast. The thing that is creepy is that there were only two of us training, though, this whole time, and the other girl was like my freaky Northern twin. We are both the same age, our names are two letters apart, and we both are working our last day of groceries tomorrow. Except the biggest difference is that my twin is in love with David Archuleta. So that is a little bit of a disappointment, but it is nice to know what I would act like in an alternate reality. I was always a little bit curious.

There's my week really fast. Tonight was a good wind down. I have fallen in love with instrumental music and so that's all I've been listening to on repeat for a bit. 3055 by Olafur Arnalds would be a good one to check out, or anything by Explosions in the Sky. It goes well with this cold winter.