"This building that I'm in smells like chlorine and cigs, and it made me think of you."
-a text message from Emma Hahn

you know what i hate?

when you're driving, and you have a moment where there is a great idea for a story in your head, but you can't write it down because you're steering.

so then you forget it as soon as you are able to write it, but it is always in the back of your head, bugging you.


maybe i should start putting these things in my phone.

tonight i watched this film for a class, which was entirely in chinese, except for when they listened to american songs, which were always oldies, or reggae. or, sometimes there was a mysterious lady in a blonde wig, who smoked a lot of cigarettes, that occasionally spoke english. but anyways, it was so wonderful. it made sense with a lot of things that are going on in my life, which sounds cheesy but is mainly true.

i feel like i haven't seen my friends for a long time, like i have just been going to school always, or working, or watching children. but then i remember a moment i've had, that is recent, where people were involved in my life. that is manageable for now. further down the line (which hopefully is soon) i need to figure out some time management. this is making for long days, which i can't stay awake through. this is just a long season, though. one day i'll wake up and the semester will be over, and maybe i'll have a new job.

God is teaching me things, in this extra time by myself, in hard days, in not sleeping very much. i have been having some great quiet times, and my head is above water, for now. i wonder when things will change but i know that ultimately God's timing is perfect and worth resting in. i am tired of running around seeking my own desires. it gets me nowhere, and it just creates one more thing to think about before i fall asleep. so here is to letting go of that and picking up a real fight, that has direction and a vision. i'll wait for as long as i need to.


also, on a completely unrelated note: i love doing bridal photos, but it's so hard to not be able to post previews of a project that i'm so excited about.

"my mom took my sister to the doctor because she was getting too fat, and you know what the doctor told her? to stop eating so much cereal."

-yelin, on german healthcare

i keep almost falling asleep in my first english class, everyday, and i think that is because medieval literature is boring. so, good to know, if you ever can't fall asleep.

i have been looking through pictures of my summer, and they make me sad, in a way, because i know i won't get to do a lot of things again, like spend three weeks in the midwest (which, also, i am dreaming about every night). so pretty much that totally sucks, and i am grateful i got to go when i did.

one month till vacation, again. fall is starting to look better, warmer, livelier. yesterday was a bike ride through the west, which is really actually wonderful in cooler weather. fall isn't going to be such a hard thing this time around, and i will be waiting with open arms. for once.

i may be exhausted, and probably sick, but never too exhausted for 30 rock. so that's how i plan on ending my night.


also, i've sneezed, like, 30 times today. it feels SO GOOD.

spencer does this funny thing when you are reading out loud with him, where he just fires out words if he doesn't know what something says. like, if the word is concept, and he doesn't want to sound it out, he says just about every other word that starts with c in the english language. it's pretty odd. he has a bigger vocabulary than most of the kids i've ever met.



this semester has already proved itself super tough in one week, but i think i can handle it. mainly just critical theory is kicking my butt, because of nothing i read making sense. it's like, only french guys, and it's like they got together at their french school, and said,

'hey, let's say a bunch of really obscure stuff, that undergrad students in america will have to spend, like, hours reading.'

so that part is kind of annoying. the rest of school life isn't really so bad though. i love walking all around the campus while it is still warm.

another funny thing is that i have been working more hours than ever before, which means i have a lot more customers that recognize me all of the time. like a man today that scolded me, saying, 'hey, i thought you were in school!' i guess it is nice that he was reminding me that i do that, except i never remember telling this man about school before. or really i don't even remember this man, with his short hair and sunglasses. mainly the people i remember go like this:
old. quiet. write checks real slow. smile. goodbye. repeat.
but they are cute in their routines, like 'sage'. i don't know if that is his name, but his checks say that and he is an ADORABLE little asian man who was also a world war two veteran, or a veteran of some war, because he wears the hats. anyways. sage comes in only on wednesdays and i have come to look forward to his smiling face. one day work will be more exciting stories; but for now, this is what keeps me going.

i am happy right now, truly, even though everything is crazy and messy. God sometimes makes us give things up to Him when we don't feel like we are ready to. And it's never bad.