this week:

--Found out both of the ways I pay for school are no longer there
--Got a call from my brother, saying he is leaving for boot camp a full four months early and that this is the last time I will see him for a very long time
--Could not stop thinking about my exchange brother and the poor people of Norway
--Got back to a workplace with new management, employees leaving left and right (four this month), and a brand new take on the system I've worked on for the last seven months
--Had to leave the place I love the most, and try not to bawl at the airport when my grandma said goodbye
--Dealt with a very complicated relationship or two.

Needless to say, coming back to Salt Lake has been difficult, because now I feel like I have to face all of these things from less than 1,000 miles away. But I keep taking comfort in the fact that God is bigger than all of these things, even though they are very really and very scary. I took my grandma's dog for a walk a few days ago and listened to a good teaching on anxiety by Mark Driscoll. Jesus is my peace and my rest from all of the crazy things happening. For, "Who of you by worrying can add a single span to his life?"


Besides all of that, good things too:
--Salvation. Grace. HOPE.
--I have a very clean bedroom again. Oh, I have a bedroom again, too. That's nice.
--I have stamps, that I am really, really hoping not to lose this time (there is something about writing letters that I love).
--I was invited back to Michigan for a whole entire summer. Yes, please.

I think I can do a whole new year. My vacation was a complete blessing. My grandma is such a strong, wonderful woman and it is so encouraging to see her so healthy again. It's been a scary few months for her.


Oh, and on a completely different note, I am loving "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terreell, and I think, way too early, that I am choosing to dance to it at my very far in the future wedding.

the air smells so much better out in the middle of the country. i want to bottle it up and take it home. except for, duh, mosquitoes would probably follow that. i have a problem of where i am SUPER allergic to bug bites, so they swell up to the size of a baseball and people ask, 'what is wrong with you?'. Of all the things to be allergic to, i am now allergic to: water, woods, the midwest, nighttime, humidity, and provo. unless i wear bugspray...then i am only mildly allergic to each of those things.

besides my crazy allergies, i love this place. i wonder why people flock everywhere else in the united states but here because it is so gorgeous. but to be honest that is part of the charm.

raleigh: "you don't love me anymore."
margot: "i do, kind of."

Every time I watch a Wes Anderson film I remember how bad I suck as an artist. Visually in my photography and also in writing. and then I feel guilty even saying "I" and "artist" in the same sentence, because I still haven't come close to what I want to achieve. It's a weird, humbling kind of feeling.

This week has been weird. I've been pretty discouraged by some things that have been going on. God is good though...yesterday Melanie stayed with me on her way back to Fort Collins and we got to have a pretty good talk. It is such a blessing to have sisters from around the U.S. that provide encouragement during stressful times. I feel like she gave me some really good insight into school and how that can impact my future in kingdom building. I sometimes just see school as a completely separate, worldly place where everything is about status and intellect and dollar amounts. I need to be reminded every now and then that it is beneficial when done for the right reasons. SO I have a lot of ideas rolling around in my head now, and it could mean an interesting year or two.


Michigan in seven days. Everyone decided to throw parties the week I leave, whoops. But maybe they are forgetting that I will be enjoying the humidity (yes, I am crazy) and endless country roads.

mission to the city was encouraging today. I am glad that i got to go if only for a few hours. God is doing some cool things in utah. i need to remember that on the days where i just don't want to be here. like on the every day lately that i just want to escape to the midwest and michigan. fourteen days is do-able.

i have been talking on the phone a little bit more lately. it is weird to hear someone's voice and know that they are far, far away. but i guess that is what a phone is for. yup, i need sleep...