today i grabbed the bread from the oven, put the pot of soup down on the table, and thought

'oh crap, i am being a mom.'

some things about summer.

--learning how to use a D-60 that was all my own was pretty neat.

--i saw more money is cash than i will ever see again, unless i become a mafia boss.

--my job description had the word 'control' in it, and pest wasn't even the first word

--hmm. i figured i fell in love with the same person more than once, when, really, i did not.

-- settling down finally became a phrase that meant more than 'stop it, marley'.

--thoughts about God.

--a new future and a new house creeped up on me.

--thinking over campfires, talking about stars and listening to ramsey. easily one of the best nights of my life.

--living a couple nights at concerts with thousands of other people that just want to grind on you or your friends.

--just confessing truth to people did a number of good things for my soul.

--hot tubs feel good and calm nerves even in summer. who would've thought.


oh, and also, it's over.

what might've been lost

i am wondering right now: if we took all of the things or people i thought that i was in love with over the past few years, and bottled them up, would the feelings they gave me still be stronger than the one i get when i let too much turpenoid into my brain?

hmm.

i guess there is something i can answer though, and that is that i haven't really slept in my own bed for a long time.


other than that, life is good to me. i ride trax basically every day, and sometimes i just see the people that i will hopefully never grow up to be. my God is just getting huger in my eyes every single day. he is thundering in my life. i have been blessed by the sunset off of the back porch every night, and these unreal thunderstorms, and even hanging out with german exchange students. last night i spent a few hours learning about soundwaves in regard to physics, even. God has given me a family, a huge one, that i mourn with and party with. i cannot wait to do this for all eternity.

so, goodbye half-loves. see ya on the other side.

sometimes i think high school was such a long time ago, but then i remember that it really wasn't. i guess it's pretty funny, then, that i never actually went to a friday night football game when i was in high school. they are such a funny thing, with kids getting so into it. i didn't even care about much in high school, but now it's important to my brother. so i go, and i yell at the quarterback, and i have fun. sometimes i even forget that i am in sandy, and start wondering why everyone i know is down in provo for a silly game. oh weird.