leave well enough alone.

the other day i talked to the attorney general for a good few minutes before i realized who he was. so that was awkward, because if i had known i would have called him 'mr. attorney general' instead of by his first name. but also i wonder if he likes to feel like not everyone is recognizing his face from the news and newspapers. like he could get away with drinking a cup of coffee at a coffee shop without an interruption.

some nights i love not having my car, because then i can't think about how much stuff is in the trunk, or if i brought a snack (why am i always so hungry lately?) and i have to live on what can fit inside of a purse.

we walked into the pie, and about twenty minutes later what i'm pretty sure was the cast of jersey shore walked in. i have never watched that show but i have watched saturday night live. i have never seen so many men with awful fake tans in my life. i wish i could describe it, but basically it was just like staring at a couple of pennies, and that's as close as i can get. they were recording themselves too, and kept looking over at us like, 'could you NOT talk to each other, please.'

i have been living in a week-long world of headaches and being tired. i feel like i am getting a cold but the only part of it that ever stays is the headache. i think i just need a great bike ride because of:
exercise helping you feel better

and

i am stressed.

i wish i could ride for like, 200 miles and just never stop.

alright, here he is,


she says, and then sends her cell phone in through the drive up tube.
i do not know what i am supposed to do about this, so as the phone drops, i hand it to my supervisor. immediately he is told "i need to speak to your manager", so without a blink he walks the cellphone into her office. the lady hits the button again and says,
i am so sorry about this, if you think this is bad try being married to him.

i wonder why it is that people like to tell me such sad things about their lives, but i sent her the phone back and waited for her reply
you people are so good to me.

that is probably the most average type of day at work.

where i can push a button, and say thank you and have a nice evening and go on with the day.




i can't believe i have been doing this same thing for a year.

this is what i have been up to in my downtime of the two craziest weeks. i sometimes daydream about how i wish i could be a visual director for this show. every shot is so good.

waiting for the bus the other day, i met a funny old black man that just wanted to talk. i think he was lonely, but he was so friendly. he had moved to salt lake from l.a. because he didn't like the feeling of always having to put up a front--he said that living in salt lake was like being able to breathe because it isn't so tiresome here. i guess i have never thought of utah in that way. when i think of being able to breathe and relax i think of somewhere closer to the middle. anyways i am glad that he is happy here. he gave me what he thought were some good insights on life, such as "do not offer a black man (or ANY man) a ride after 11 pm. or ever," and "the devil is always at work." he got off of the bus and thanked me for talking to him.

my nights now are busy and tiring, but it is good: homework, outreach, dinners, meeting with people, house church again, planning trips. i don't even have time to worry about you or us or what is really going on in my life.

today during staff meeting, my boss kept talking about trust accounts and also member service, except all i could think about the whole time was this:

that working at the bank is just like playing Roller Coaster Tycoon. The people come in with big red angry faces over their heads, and you have to get them to have green smiles before they go home.

yesterday at work a lady asked me if i "even had a brain of my own" and then started swearing at me as much as she could. so that was really nice of her. and what i wanted to say was "yes, and that is why i am making things so hard on you," but instead i kept my mouth shut while she was complaining and prayed for her.

there is too much to write about. there is not enough to write about. i pretty much spend my days like:
wake up too early
quiet time
school or work or schoolANDwork
homework and outreach
sleep
lather rinse repeat, on and on.

i look forward to and cherish my Sundays off. i don't know if i feel great about being busy or terrible about it. it is nice to keep my mind off of things but i miss the people and places that i used to see outside of my house. it is really nice to have nights off, though, and i am really excited about 6:15 rolling around.

"taste the happy, michael."
--gob bluth, on arrested development


i feel like i am walking on a weird cloud of GOD IS SO GOOD, even though he always is and i have always known that. the past few days of been a roller coaster of relationships and exhaustion and my flesh. but when i force myself to calm down for five seconds, God shows me how much he continues to just love and love and LOVE me. it has definitely been a year of learning for me. i may not always know the answers and i may still mess up, but here in the power of CHRIST i stand. so encouraging. daily he picks up me weary, messy self and chooses to mold me into something more. daily i am shown love in the most crazy ways. one day it may be a letter from my brother talking about how his faith is growing through boot camp (he calls his pastor the black version of mac) and the next it may be encouragement from a friend on the interstate. i feel like all of the difficult things in my life are not really so terrible.

a few little pieces of my week:

-a man came through our drive-up window with his dog wearing a cubs hat and sunglasses. the dog had the funniest look on its face and i lost it. i was crying before he left, and as soon as he drove off he took the outfit off of the dog. probably he just wanted to brighten my day, with something very childish, and it worked. well.

-steph brought me back a 'put a bird on it' sticker from portland. funny that they can make money off of being made fun of.

-fall is in the air, and i couldn't be happier.