it's that time where i'm sick again. where i can't breathe, where my head feels like it is going to burst. but mainly, it's where i would like to think that i can't be held accountable for what i am saying at any given moment, because i won't remember it the next. i feel like i am swimming through a concrete barrier, or at least trying to. the bottom half of my head is doing great, but the top half has gained about 10 pounds, and now i can't hold it up. i guess i am exaggerating, but who really cares about that part? i just feel the need to take a lot more laps and do a lot less work. is this what it like when you turn eighty?

really, i am glad right now that i have tracy jordan to make me a little bit less miserable. i think that if he were real, we would probably be great friends. 0r not. i would just like to hear him yell out every word in his brain, and it would never fail to make me laugh.

today also marks the end of high school. apart from finals and the occasional graduation busywork, i don't have to go back anymore. what a weird feeling. next week i start my job, and then i start at the u in the fall. things move so fast, and sometimes i just don't know what is happening. i am excited to see what God will do with a tired, nervous person like me. i am trusting him for my future. i've looked towards so many other things to make me feel great or complete me, but none of them have been good enough. i'm learning more and more everyday to wait on God. it's not about waiting on love, or changing seasons, or just getting older. none of that REALLY makes it okay. we need to realize that if we ever want to live up to our full potential, and i love that about life.

my eyeballs are going to pop right out of my head, and even then i couldn't express to you just how tired i am.

i need to go on three more spring breaks, and not let myself get worked up about life and all of the things that aren't really going on.

about this time last year, we weren't talking, or something, and i was probably pretty upset.

about this time this year, we still don't talk much, and i keep forgetting about it. there is no hole where my heart once was. i am not upset, and honestly i hardly notice it anymore.

except those times we pass by each other and don't say a thing. that is a little weird, i guess. but, i think i am content where i am. thank you for that.